Why do you hate me so?
by Ladi Illuna
Summary: Another one that got written after being in the same room as Malachai. Usa-chan is talking to the Blakc Lady still inside her after Pluto's death. Guilt trips all around. Fun!


Do you really hate me?  
  
  
Disclaimer: I own none of the Sailor Moon characters. So no suing. Go pick on someone with money....  
  
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*You sat there and let me die, hell girl, you even watched and waited to come out again. Do you know how much it hurt? When your 'love' for that woman healed you and purged me of your body? Do you know what's it like to hurt like that? Do you? DO YOU?*  
  
I ignore the soundless vice that fills my head at night, and I often call it up just to have someone to talk to. Now that Pluto is gone, there is no one for me to please, not anymore. Mamorou has grown weary of me, now that I am not cute and small and he cannot pick me up anymore. Usagi has always been weary of me, wanting me to go away and I myself wanting to do the same, but I always came back because they needed me.  
Now I don't feel so needed anymore. Everyone is so busy with their own personal life and they don't have time for me. Not since Pluto died becuase of me and her. It was always her fault.  
  
*All I ever wanted was a chance to survive, and you threw that away too! What do you want from me anyway? You never knew the pain of betrayal, or hate because you can't have someone you wanted more than life itself. All you ever did was laugh and smile and you got what you wanted.*  
  
I have to admit, the evil bitch is right. I always did get what I wanted, and sometimes I think I was hated for it. If things went the way I wanted them too, it would be me who was dead and probably the rest of the Sailor Scouts along with me, but she would still be alive. She will never go away, and that is why I am here, to make sure she stays in me, contained and half-tamed, toothless and unable to hurt anyone.   
  
*You think I'm so tame do you? Well, just wait until the day you slip and you have to let me go becuase that's the only way you'll live, is through me! I won't be so nice to you then. I'll break you and then I'll pick up the peices and scatter them to the four levels of the hell I will create, each one harder to get out of. Don't think you can escape a planned destiny becuase you will always be the pawn in the game that is cast aside after it'a played it's part. Is that what you want to be, a pawn? Don't you want to be the Queen for once? Hmm?*  
  
I close my ears to her rasping voice. Now was the time when she made promises, and they were the things I wanted most. Love, security, power. Power most of all so I could show them all that I was not a little girl anymore, but a woman, and I could control them. Make them bend to my will, make them grovel and cry out if I ever struck them, whioch I would if they disobeyed me.   
  
*Yesssss, that is what you want. That is what I can give you if you would only let me in. Please my dear, remembr how wonderous it was, making people ry and wail as you struck them, how you made Mamorou hit that little whore with the scepter born out of their love? Don't you remember how it made you smile? How good you felt when you heard the thunk of metal on flesh and the shout of confusion and pain she made? Wasn't it nice?*  
  
My lips curl in a smile I don't want to make, but now I have no control over my body, for I see it changing in the mirror. I see my body lengthening, growing graceful and deadly. My hair grows and winds itself into seductive curls around my womanly body that is clothed in the least of black dresses, revealing skin paler than milk, but softer than silk.   
Eyes that held garnet innocence now turn to the dark ruby red of hate and destruction. Mouth, now plump and wickedly grinning, says words I cannot hear anymore. Harsh, hurtful words that I do not want to hear anymore in my little corner of her midn, but I do.  
" You shall have your body back, after I am done killing it."   
I have no choice but to retreat back into her and hope that not another loved one dies again, that maybe this time will be different, that maybe we will both be killed, so there is no chance for a third time happening. But one can only hope, and when one is in a body amde of Dark Energy, hope is the only thing you cannot have.  
It kills the heart, wreaks the mind, and ravishes the blood in your veins. Hope is my only weapon, and I must wait until the time is right to let it go. 


End file.
